Friday, February 6, 2009

Tool Ads

Ya'll come on in and have a seat. I am about to drink a coke or as we would say down here in the South, "I'm fixin to drink a coke" although it may be a Pepsi. I can't tell the difference and we buy whatever is cheaper. I do draw the line at the store brands of cola however, for they are gross.

I think I have had one too many "horse pills" for pain for I can't think a serious thought and my face hurts or as Becky used to say, "It huts." She was also "thusty." Those were funny days and I didn't enjoy them enough for time sure flies by.

However (here she goes), I did read the paper today and there was an advertising supplement for a huge tool store. Now if you want me to get excited, take me to a bookstore or hobby and craft store and I can spend hours looking, feeling and smelling. If it is a bookstore, I will sit in the floor and read if I can't find a chair or stool. I can spend hours just looking and reading.

Now for Roy it is a tool store and he can spend hours picking up each and every tool and he has found very few that were not needed in his shop. I don't complain though, for I like to look at them also and try to figure out what in the heck you do with them and how in the heck did they get their name.

Soooo, as I read the ads today I let my imagination roam around and these were my grave conclusions or questions. I became philosophical today, so put on your "thinking caps" and come along with me.

5 piece Diamond cutting discs - Question: Why in the world would you want to cut your diamonds when you worked so hard on that man to get one? If it's big enough to cut you sure want to keep it in one piece. After all, a diamond is forever and he may be temporary.

Collapsible Animal Traps - Question: If is going to collapse on the poor thing isn't that rather cruel? What not just shut him up and you take if far, far away and turn it loose. I remember my sweet father-in-love would catch squirrels and take them to an island in the middle of the Alabama river and turn them loose. I bet there are a million squirrels on that island now and they are wondering how in the world they got there. I also stayed in a thatch roofed cottage in England once and mice were quite a problem there. They would set traps but she was so tenderhearted she would take the trap out of the village, turn around several times to confuse the mouse and turn it loose to go to another person's thatch roofed cottage. Oh those English are so tenderhearted towards their little animals.

Dummy Security Camera - Question: Isn't it rather obvious if you are trying to steal or trespass you are a "Dummy?" Only a dummy would be where there was a security camera so maybe it is aptly named.

English Wheel - Question: Will this keep us from buying a French wheel or German wheel or some other country's wheel? I assume this is to help us buy wheels for which we can read the instruction manual although I'm not sure about that. The last manual I tried to read was in English, Spanish, Japanese and French. Kinda confusing sometimes.

4 piece Magnetic Rattlesnake Eggs Set - Question: What in the name of heaven do you need to buy rattlesnake eggs for? We have them down here the size of pulp wood so just get your 410 shotgun, shoot the sucker and get her eggs if that rocks your boat. Personally, we don't need any more rattlesnake eggs for we have plenty of the crawling critters around here. I think the best solution for that is the 41o and a good aim.

12 Volt "OOga" air horn - Question: Don't have one, for many football fans in the SEC know this is a necessary item for football games along with the cowbells and air horns. After all we are there to encourage our team and drive the other team bonkers. SEC football is serious business and all is fair in football and war.

6 piece Alligator clips- Question: Do they think an alligator is going to let you put a little ole clip on his tough hide? If you want to put a clip on a gator go right ahead, but I think they look pretty good the way they are. I wonder if they have ribbons or other decorations on these clips but I doubt even this is goin to make them look pretty. They are a homely reptile.

Nose Hair Trimmer - Question: Why don't all men see this as a necessary tool? After about 40, most men's hair moves from their head to their noses and it is an unsightly picture when it is hanging out of their noses. Wake up men and trim your nose hair! I don't mind a bald head for that can be rather sexy, but hairy nostrils are disgusting.

I've saved the best for last - ta dah!
ELECTRONIC FLY SWATTER- Now I don't have a question for this one for I think it would be a great addition to any Southern home. You see we have a fly problem and my wrist action is just not quick enough to swat the rascals so I'm going to get me one of these. Mama would have loved to have one for I can hear her now, "Shut the door, do you want all the flies to get in?" Meanwhile they had and we would have to get the fly swatter and get to work. They also make pretty good paddles for little behinds. Just think what an electronic swatter could do - boy what a whuppin.

Nuff said

The Georgia Peach

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