Monday, February 9, 2009

Monday's Musings

Come on in and have a coke. Just got back from visitation at church and have to have a coke before I go to bed.

Been thinking today and you know that is dangerous but I visited my dad in an assisted living home and it set my mind to pondering my future years. As you can tell from my picture, I am older, a senior citizen and all those other names they call us. I dislike all of them for it makes you sound like you are on your last leg and it's crumbling. I really prefer, "Dowager Queen Mother" or "The Family Matriarch", which I am but my family doesn't bow or do what I tell them.

Senior citizen or old lady is most offensive to me for I may have snow on the top but the furnace has not been turned off. They also say you are as old as you feel and most days I don't feel my age. It just depends on who is visiting that day. Some of my friends who drop by are "Arthur-itis", "Bur-sitis", "Miss Pain in the Back" or "Miss I just can't move" If these people would just mind their own business and stay away, I would feel much younger.

However (there she goes), it is a fact I am growing older in body and mind and no matter what I do it happens. So after visiting Daddy's new home and being around our older friends I have created a legal document spelling out the rights I give to our children. Here they are:

Rights of the Children of Old Folks
  • If is start telling the same story over and over and over and over, you have the right to tell me I have told you again and again and again. Just give me the "time out" signal and I will know to stop. Please don't wait until I get into the story though for I might have trouble stopping.
  • If I want to take a laxative every day, you have the right to hide the bottle and tell me I don't need it.
  • If I begin each conversation with the "organ recital" - bowels, kidneys, etc., you have the right to use the "time out" signal or hurry away on an urgent errand.
  • If I begin each conversation with "I remember when......" you have the right to run to the nearest exit and escape.
  • If I begin to drive on the left not the right and run over things, you have to right to take my car keys and the car. Hide them well, for I will be devious and try to find both.
  • If I begin to wear the same clothes for weeks on end and do not take a bath, you have the right to shove me in the shower and place clean clothes on my body. Don't forget the deoderant, please.
  • If I can't see how to pull my chin hairs and they grow and grow, you have the right to shave them. Please do not use an electric razor for they pull. You might also shave my legs before you need to use a chain saw. They are one of my better features.
  • If I can't live alone any more, you have the right to haul me to a nursing home and show me my new home. This is only if we have not moved ourselves into a luxurious facility with a 4 star dining room, maids to take care of us, indoor swimming pool, young personal trainer, and a red golf cart to go with my white hair. We realize this will be spending your inheritence, but you will have the satisfaction of knowing we died happy and you will be poorer.

I think this is about all the rights we can give you but if there are other concerns please come to us and discuss them before the half-timers goes to all-timers and we can say NO.

Nuff said,

The Georgia Peach

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