Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Tuesday's Thoughts




Good morning! I pray that on this cold, Tuesday morning ya'll are warm and toasty with a cup of coffee. It is quite cold here, but the temperature has gotten above freezing and that's a good thing, for I was about to freeze to death. Don't like cold weather!!!!! Hurry summer.

While at the beach last week I overate big time and now I am paying for it. Now to be perfectly honest, I was already overeating and few pounds had attached themselves to my hips and stomach. To be even more honest, it is more than a few pounds and last week didn't help and every time I eat a lot of seafood, the fluid floods my body and I can't even get my rings off. So I thought about getting out my ladies shape wear.

Now if you are not familiar with this undergarment, it is supposed to shape your fluffy body into a neat, controlled, hourglass figure. In other words, give you a waist and whittle the pounds. I had purchased one of the torture garments last summer to look young, slim and beautiful for my nephew's wedding. It didn't work, and I almost fainted from not being able to take a deep breath. Try to dance with a breathe-cutting torture garment surrounding your body - can't be done. So, I had to ditch it and breathe and to quote and old commercial, "Oh, what a relief." It would have been terribly embarrassing for the family matriarch to faint on the dance floor in front of all the new relatives.

This instrument of torture also doesn't really do away with the extra pounds as advertised. It merely displaces it to other spots. Have you ever squeezed a balloon? You realized all the air was still in the balloon it just moved it to another place. Hello! That is what this garment does to the fat in your body. It moves some up and some down and you look like a sausage which has been badly stuffed - bumps and ridges in the strangest places. Your legs develop additional rolls, your stomach is pushed up under your boobs and the slim waist looks really strange. In addition to the strange rolls, you can't breathe so your face is red and you are having heart palpitations and you better get out the smelling salts, the dainty lace handkerchief and the pretty fan, for you are about to have the vapors.

Now some people can faint prettily, but the only time I have ever fainted, I would have hit the floor with a thunk if my sweetie pie had not been standing behind me. It is not something I would recommend unless you are close to a good looking man or a lounge is nearby so you can gracefully sink into the cushions with a graceful hand gesture to the brow. Think Gone With the Wind and you have the picture.

So, this past Sunday, when I was having great difficulty finding a garment which I could zip, snap or button over my fluffy body I almost got out the garment of torture - the body shaper! When I thought about the possible consequences of fainting while teaching Sunday School, or while singing in the choir, I decided just to find that stretchy skirt and big top I wear when nothing else fits. It seems I wear that skirt a lot these days. Maybe I will take that torture garment to Goodwill and let someone else discover it's wonders of body shaping, but maybe I will keep it to remind me what happens when I let myself get in the shape I'm in. Hopefully this will inspire me to eat less and exercise more.

Now if any of you want a Spanx which covers you from just under the boobs to the knees, I have one I will give you. It will be free and without warranty, just let me know and I will be happy to send it to you posthaste.

Nuff said,

The Georgia Peach

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