My Fluffy Alarm Clock

Good evening ya'll. I hope this finds you and yours doing fine for we are. The only problem I have is that is hot as firecrackers lit and ready to explode. Needless to say, I have hibernated in the house where it is cool.

Now you all know I am retired and enjoying it. However, I have a problem. I can sleep until whenever and no one is going to wake me up. It's the no ONE that is the problem for it is not a ONE but an IT. Our fluffy, yellow cat, Bumper whose picture is on my blog and above, seems to think I need to get up about 5:00 and let him out. He sleeps on the foot of our bed and you can just about set your watch by his timing - 4:30 or 5:00 he is going to want out. Now he has a litter box, dry food and water at his disposal at all times but you think this is enough. Nooooooo. He wants out for about 30 minutes and then back in and a pouch of cat food. The dry is only if starving to death.

His method of waking me up is to tap me lightly on the cheek with his paw. The claws are not out and it is a sweet tap and soft purl. If I don't wake up, I get the tap again and there is a meow. Now if am not ready to get up and still will not roll out of the bed, the tap becomes a claw slapping me on the cheek and a loud MEOW. This will get my attention every time and I slowly get out of the bed. Slowly is about all I can manage at that time of day. He sits on the corner of the bed until I go to the bathroom for he knows that has to come first. As I walk down the hall, he jumps off the bed and comes galloping by me with his fluffy tail up in the air and heads to the door. There are 2 doors from which he can choose and some days it's one and other days it's another one. Just depends on his mood at the moment.

As I open the door, he sticks his head out and looks around and checks the air with a sniff. He then pops his tail up in the air and jumps out of the door and heads for a piece of wood to sharpen his claws where he dulled them trying to wake me up. Only then does he locate a spot of dirt to tend to his morning duties.

We have a problem if it is raining for like all cats, he does not like to get wet. If it's raining, he will stick his head out of the door, see the rain and immediately turn around and pop that tail about 3 times at me. He looks at me sniffs and snorts and stalks off like it is my fault it is raining and expects me to immediately go and get his pouch of food to pacify his majesty. You can hear the cat litter flying as he scratches it all around when he has completed his morning duty. You also get this behavior if it is too cold, for even though he has a lovely fur coat, he does not like cold weather.

After all this, I go back to bed. Now do you think I can go back to sleep? Noooooo way. I toss and turn for awhile and try everything I know to go back to sleep and usually just give up and get up. The sun room is a great place to spend the rest of the night and I study my Sunday School lesson, check email and facebook and by the time my sweet, lovely, handsome, LAZY, husband arises, I have had a day. I have watched the sun come up, the cat eat, bathe and go back to sleep, and had 3 cups of coffee and he wonders why I am already tired.

Why am I tired? I've been up for hours, pampered a cat, studied, read email, played Bejeweled Blitz, Farkle and Farmtown. I have looked at every free sample sight on the Internet, read several blogs, and planned my day. Tired? I am worn out. I tell him it is his time to pamper His Majesty, Bumper and like a child, Bumper jumps up in his lap, loves him, and settles down by him and goes back to sleep. You would never know what a pain in the beehind, he has been. He looks like an innocent, little, furry angel lying there.

Breakfast? Now? I'm tired I say just drink your coffee and you know where the cereal is. Not really, like a dutiful, loving and submissive wife, I prepare him a smoothie or cheese toast, or some other goodies and do it with a smile. Right? You see, I am the perfect wife and he better know it.

Why can't the cat wake up Roy? Now that I have not figured that out except he knows I will eventually wake up and waking up Roy is like waking up the dead. He didn't hear the children when they were home and now he doesn't hear the cat, or so he says. He can sleep through most anything.

Now you understand why I am so tired by the time most other folks begin their day. The other problem is like a lot of other "old folks," I can't go to sleep at night and read or play games on the computer until the wee hours. Sleep deprivation is getting to be a way of life for me and some mornings there is a fluffy, yellow cat you can have. Free! Maybe a husband too if the price is right.

Nuff said,

The Georgia Peach

1 comment:

Jeanne said...

Well Well Momma Robson... Did Bumper give you permission to retire and enter your life of leisure????:)I don't think anyone told him that the wake up "paw" wasn't needed anymore!!

I have a 2-legged alarm clock.. yep, T-Man.. weekends, 6 a.m. he decides it's time for me to wake up and brew the "java":) He's really funny because he sneaks in and turns on the b-room light to see if I'm there and when he finds me there, he sneaks over, pulls the covers back, pulls my arm... oh, and leans in and says "Hi"... throws a couple of moochies (kisses) in for good measure... like you, once I'm up, I'm up... but trust me, I do take an afternoon nap EVERY Saturday and Sunday.. Just ask Beck.. If she calls and Greg answers her question is automatically "is she taking her nap":) Got the whole family trained on my nap time:)

I'll be seeing you soon.. Beck and I will be making our annual visit:)

Your Adopted FAV daughter