Thursday, May 6, 2010

Hissy Fits


Orange Blossoms by Frances Robson
Good evening and come on in. It is a lovely day here in South Georgia with the sun shining, slight breeze and after all the rain this week it is good to have an opportunity to dry out. Plan to go for a walk as soon as I tell ya'll bye or maybe just pour another glass of tea and read my book.

Shopped til I dropped yesterday and tried on and tried on and tried on dresses without finding anything I would wear. It either showed what boobs I don't have or was so short it was way too dangerous to sit down or bend over. I finally settled on a 2 piece skirt and top and all Roy said was, "A little bright isn't it?" Well, a bright pink could be considered "bright" but at least he won't have any trouble finding me in a crowd since I am so short or vertically challenged. It fit and was modest and all I could find so he'll just have to like it.

The outfit for the class reunion is also taken care of and I will be sure and have a picture taken to illustrate my strategy to look young and trim. You just wait and see how well I can camouflage the rolls and wrinkles. They may want to use these techniques in Glamour. After all, it is my duty as a Southern Lady to always try to look my best for that's what my mama taught me.

Ya'll know that most good, Southern Ladies are concerned about manners and all that kinda thing and most of the time we are pretty even-tempered. We can usually take an insult and just say, "Bless your heart, your mama must not have taught you any better for you surely would not have said such an ugly thing to me. However, since MY mama taught me not to return ugly remarks I will just bless your heart." Now if you know a Southern Lady, she can say this with a smile, quiet tone, and look daggers through you with her eyes and never quit smiling. It's in our genes and even though we may be mad as a wet hen we won't perspire or raise our voices.

Every now and then our righteous indignation gets the best of us and we throw what we call down here in the South, a "Hissy fit." These are usually reserved for serious injury to our pride or times when our "ladyship" has been woefully insulted and we just "lose it" in a ladylike manner. I read a good example of this occurrence in our local paper this week in the Police Report. This little ole fact may lead me to surmise the lady in the account may not be a "Southern Lady" but again she may and had a good reason to throw a hissy fit for a man was mentioned in the account. After all, a lady can take just so much without having to do something in the way of losing it.

It seems that this lady was arrested after slapping her husband several times in the face. It seems she was beating him up around the face and head. He called the sheriff's department during the incident and when the deputy arrived she kicked him in the groin and other body parts and refused to be arrested. After being subdued as they say, she was arrested and I am waiting to see if this so-called husband and deputy are going to press charges.

It is interesting that this lady COULD beat up on her husband. I wonder if he was just a little ole wimp of a man or was just too scared to fight back. Either way if I was him I would be a little embarrased at having to call the law because I couldn't defend myself against a woman.

Now, honey, let me tell you I can read between the lines. If she slapped him in the face there are about two reasons for this action by this sweet, little lady. One he was "running around" on her and she had caught him in the act or he was thinking about it and she found out. Women are not stupid and we do pick up on men's thoughts rather easily. This is not difficult for most men I know think about only 1 or 2 things and most of ya'll know what these are.

When she confronted him about his actions or lack of actions, he was probably stupid enough to deny it or admitted it. Either way she threw her one good hissy fit and slapped the stew out of him several times. If I am correct in my guesses, she had every right to slap him, kick him or wrap him in a wet bedsheet and beat the stew out of him with a cast iron skillet. After all our men do promise to love, protect, honor and cater to us all the days of our lives. If he doesn't a hissy fit is in order.

The deputy, being a man, should have known never to come between a woman throwing a hissy fit and the man she is chastising. If he does he is stupid or from the North and has never seen a Southern Lady having a hissy fit. If he got kicked he deserved it for he should have left her alone until she completed her task. She wasn't going to kill him or maim him for life for she needed for him to be alive so she could remind him every day of the rest of his life what he had done to her and not to do it again. This deputy was just getting in the way of a wife disciplining her husband which we have a perfect right to do.

If this incident ever goes to trial here in South Georgia I doubt this sweet, Southern Lady will get any punishment for she is going to look sweet, act sweet and bat her eyelashes at the jury and there is no way a Southern Man can resist this act. They are kinda between a rock and a hard place for if they vote guilty their wives will throw a "hissy fit" and if they vote innocent their men friends are going to be mad. Now which one would you prefer being mad at you - your wife or your male friends. Hands down the wife will win for if you keep her happy, a Southern Lady knows how to make you a happy man. Of the juror is a woman she will understand perfectly and agree that this lady should have hit him.

Well, now you know what a "hissy fit" is. It is that fit usually reserved for a philandering man whether it is your husband, a friend's husband or your man. We are most possessive of what belongs to us and don't intend to share. We Southern Ladies will take real good care of our men as long as they behave but woe be unto them to think about straying.

I hope ya'll have had a good time visiting with me on the "Net Porch and ya'll come back to see me soon.

Nuff said,

The Georgia Peach (Southern Lady from Sweet Home Alabama)

No comments: