Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Summer Dress Code for Shopping

Good morning and come on in for a cold drink and some deep conversation.  A good, cool, refreshing drink can be made with equal parts mango nectar, Sprite or other citrus soft drink and slices of lemon.  Add a sprig of mint and you have a wonderful summer cooler.  You can also use peach nectar and I usually find these in the Hispanic food section and they are rich in flavor.  I use the nectar in our smoothies for additional vitamin C and they add a depth of flavor that is wonderful. 

Summer is here in South Georgia and as you know, I love it for I am a hot weather Southern Belle.  There are a few side affects which are unpleasant down here such as gnats and mosquitoes but slapping these just gives you wrist exercise to keep them slim and lovely.  You also sweat a lot but a cool drink, sitting in the shade in a swing will relieve this and is restful and enjoyable.  Down here in the South, we will use any excuse to sit in the swing, in the shade and drink a glass of sweet iced tea, lemonade or ice cold water.  We can be a slow bunch sometimes but why hurry through life?

While I was doing a little shopping yesterday I remembered I had forgotten the "Summer Dress Code for Shopping" here in the South.  After a stroll through the mall, the Dollar Tree, lunch at Red Lobster, and quick trip to Walmart I realized I was totally not dressed appropriately.  You see I had worn cropped pants, blouse with sleeves and neckline which showed no cleavage, small tasteful earrings and was hopelessly out of style.  It was really embarrassing and immediately labeled me as not having any fashion consciousness and old fashioned.  This is terrible and I must do better the next time I go shopping so I will fit in with the crowd. 

There are several dress codes I could follow for it all depends on where you are shopping.  The mall's dress code is the top code and it goes downhill from there.  In the mall you usually see hemlines above the knee but not displaying buttocks and necklines which show a little cleavage but not the entire booby.  Flip flops are OK but not house slippers and sandals are better.  The best shoe for the mall are high, high heels so you will wobble as you walk and have a pained expression on your face because of the pain in your feet. Jewelry will be lots of chains and long earrings but are usually gold or silver and don't look like loot from a drug bust.  You will look fashionable, up-scale, and stylish but not "stylin" or "hootchie mama."

I found this was the code of choice for lunch at Red Lobster as the professional ladies came in for lunch.  There was also a large group of teachers eating lunch and we all know they dress conservatively, neatly and without a whole lot of style for we can't afford it ( I am a retired teacher so I know).  On the whole, the patrons were nicely dressed, fashionable and following the Mall Dress Code.

Now Walmart was a different scene!  Summer Dress Code for Walmart and similar shopping venues tend to be a bit more casual or maybe a lot more casual.  As I observed the fashion trends in the Valdosta Walmart yesterday I realized that again I was out of step with the fashion trends and needed to refresh my wardrobe if I was going to fit in at "Wally World". 

The code seemed to have the following guidelines:
  1. Hemline is above the knee and showing lower part of the buttocks.
  2. Neckline is plunging at least half way down the boobs or showing most of these beauties.
  3. Shoes can be house slippers, inexpensive plastic flip flops, or big fluffy slippers in the shape of animals.
  4. Halter tops which are loosely tied so boobs will fall out is high fashion.
  5. Tank top straps can be no more than 1/4 inches wide.
  6. Jewelry must be huge, plastic and earrings pull the ear lob down at least 1 inch. 
  7. Necklaces should have at least 5 strands and the more strands the better.
  8. Dresses should be be at least 1 size too small and jeans have to be so tight you need greased legs and hips to get them on.
  9. Shorts should be short enough the buttocks will show and the large the beehind is, the better.
  10. Make up is optional but if you choose to wear it, use all you have for you can buy more at the store as you stroll through.
  11. Don't forget the large to super large tote bags so you can knock fellow customers over as you charge down the aisles.
If you need any clarification for any of these rules, just visit you local Wally World, sit for about 10 minutes on the bench in the front of store and you can refresh your memory. Don't forget to take your cell phone so you can take pictures and above all talk continually and loudly on the phone so you can be annoying as possible.

After reading this, you may wonder why I shop at this upscale store but it is cheap and where can you see a live theater for free!  So come on down to Wally World and watch the show with me and enjoy yourself.

Ya'll come back to see me and try my cool drink idea.

Nuff said,
The Georgia Peach

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