Residents of Adel GA by Frances Robson

Good evening.

Ya'll come on into the 'Net Porch and sit a spell. I have a fresh pitcher of iced tea and some fresh mint if you would like to put a sprig in it. My mint is growing by leaps and bounds and I haven't taken the time to pick it which I will dry and use later. I like it in tea and if you have an upset tummy, mint tea helps immensely. An old idea that really works. Be careful where you plant your mint for if you don't watch out you will have a whole flower bed full and it will be marching across your yard. It spreads quickly. You might want to put it in a pot or just let 'er rip.

Ya'll won't believe what happened to me on Facebook this week! Lawd have mercy, I was chastised by the "Religious Police." These are the people who just sit around and wait to pounce on those of us who occasionally spread a little humor which they consider not Christian. They are first cousins to the "Moral Police" whose duty is to watch all of us to be sure we operate under their moral code. It reminds me of the the Pharisees in the Bible for they also make up lots and lots of little religious and moral rules for the rest of us to follow. I just can't see how they think we can keep all those little 'ole rules, do you?

Now ya'll know I am a good Southern Lady, raised by a good Southern Mama and all the "mama police" in Camden, AL so I can't be too bad. I do have a habit of opening mouth before brain is in gear sometimes and contract hoof and mouth disease but not this time. I'll just have to tell ya'll about it and remember, I AM INNOCENT HERE. I was simply responding to a comment made by a friend and I thought it was kinda funny.

I am changing names and being discrete here to protect the guilty. A friend of ours lives in a town with the same name as a famous or infamous political couple and had been out of town for a few days. On arriving home he made a comment on Facebook about something must have happened while he was gone for _______ was covered in green stuff (pollen.) Now another friend of his made a reply about the couple whose name is the same which was really funny and I just couldn't help myself but I carried it one step further. How can anyone with any sense of humor not contribute to the humor of others?

Now my friend thought it was right funny but bless her heart, another friend of his, whom I do not know, chastised us for making fun of this fine couple who was doing so much for our country and world and that we were unchristian, and the Lord would not be happy with us. She went on for a few more sentences in this vein and I began to giggle and say "Bless her heart." She informed us that Jesus would not say those things.

Well you know me, the devil got behind me, whispered in my ear to sic 'em girl and I just couldn't or wouldn't resist and I had to respond to this dear lady. My answer to her was to lighten up and laugh a little for our mutual friend had taught me to laugh. I think I got her panties all in a wad and she threw a hissy fit.

Now if you have ever seen a Southern woman throw a hissy fit it is something to behold for we get red in the face, our indignation rises to a boiling point and our tongue begins to wag at both ends. If we are a true Southern woman, we might even take off our gloves and put down our glass of tea.

She wrote a sermon to me informing me she laughed a lot and no one had to teach her how. She progressed with another sermon about this wonderful couple and informed me and all who read my Facebook that what we had said was wrong as in sinful. Well bless her heart, I almost called my friend to see if she had a stroke for her feathers were all riled up. I could just see her calling our friend and wanting to know what kind of company he had been keeping. Her indignation temperature went right out the top of the tube and she is really disapointed in me for making fun of such a fine couple.

By this time I was almost splitting my sides laughing for when I looked at her profile picture I realized that she was about my age - older- and didn't look as though she found life to be all that great even if she had assured me she laughed a lot and was quite joyful. You could have fooled me. Not being able to not have the last word I told her I was just joking but no response to that. Bless her heart, I'm not sure she can take a joke too well. I think she may be a member of the "Dill Pickle Christian Society" and they stay puckered up most of the time.

Now if all this is confusing I'm sorry but I really am trying to protect the guilty for Jesus did teach me to not be unkind but He did give me this strange sense of humor. If this is His gift to me I feel obligated to use it and I really hope this poor lady learns to not take everything I say as the literal truth. After all, being the "Religious Police" is a difficult job for like the Pharisees, there are lots of rules they think we have to follow and keeping up with all of them and us is a big job, bless their hearts. I probably will never meet her this side of Glory but I bet if she gets there first she is waiting to tell the Lord about me.

You noticed I used the phrase "Bless her heart" a lot and I think it was needed for that is about all you can say about some people and be nice. Although if you are from the South you know this can be a pretty big way of saying that looks can be improved but stupidity is incurable. I sure hope she doesn't read this for she really would be all puffed up with indignation - bout to the busting point. :)

Have to share an ad from our local want ads paper. I just love honesty and this is about as honest as you can get.

"FOR SALE: Brand new wedding dress, never worn -decided to elope instead. Size 6, with lace overlay, empire waist, train, and jeweled straps. Was fitted to be able wear barefoot by a 5'3" woman. " The phone number was given with a price of $250.00.

Now this sounds like a good deal to me but I have several questions to ask this young woman. First, did she elope with the man she was going to marry in the wedding? I knew someone who eloped with the best man after the rehearsal dinner. Second, why in the world was she going barefooted to her wedding? Seems to me a brand new wedding dress with lace overlay, empire waist and train with jeweled straps at least is worth a pair of shoes. I have a pair of white flip flops she could have borrowed. I also would like to know if she is "empire waisted" or is it the dress. If it is her waist she look a little strange for that would put her waist up under her boobs. She is a little thing I noticed - like my daddy would say, "Not as big as a washing of soap" whatever that means. I sure hope she married the intended groom but I applaud her being so frugal as to elope. Think of the money she saved!

Well, my goodness, just look at the time. The sun is almost gone and so is my tea so I guess I will just bid you all good night and go get some more.

Ya'll take care and come back to see me.

Nuff said,

The Georgia Peach

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